On May 18th, 2021, Joe and I celebrated 15 years together, 7 years of marriage, and 3 years since leaving Connecticut to live in the Western U.S. Yes, unbelievably, all 3 of these events took place on the exact same month and day of May 18th. There is a 0.000002% chance of that happening by random occurrence. The fact that three of our most important life events as a couple, thus far, all took place on the same date is either highly endearing or perhaps a symptom of neuroticism. Maybe both. So, which is it? Let’s explore.
This is a story of happenstance, synchronicity, and intentional planning.
The May 18th trifecta began in the evening on that date in 2006. It was then that Joe and I agreed to make our relationship official. (Whatever does that mean, “official?” This wasn’t the age of “OK, I’ll close my Tinder account” but I guess it meant the same as that). I know the exact location and date of where this took place because that’s the kind of detail that 22-year-old Ashleigh would write about in her journal. The location was Pequot Avenue in Southport, CT. Joe had picked me up in his new Honda Element. I had literally laughed out loud when I saw him pull into my driveway —what IS that thing? The iconic boxy design of the Honda Element was not yet a regular sight on most roads, and certainly not something I had ever seen before. To be fair, Joe has always had a vision that is ahead of his time. Case in point, the now discontinued Honda Element has become a cult classic and something that I frequently see on these Boulder, Colorado streets.
Despite my slight embarrassment over what I viewed to be the ugliest car I had ever seen, I swiftly moved to it and joined my dear friend and lover, Joe, for a drive to Southport Harbor. We stayed in the elements (those of the harbor as well as the Honda) for several hours watching the waves roll in, sharing good tunes from our iPods (remember those?) and enjoying great receptivity and humor. What’s always come easiest for us is conversation; we’re rarely at a loss for thoughts or stories to share with each other. And what was exciting about our early days of attraction was the potential I felt for depth of exploration together, he and I, of one another.
It was then, on that evening in that car that we officially began dating. The date was May 18, 2006.
Auspiciously, that same evening, our friend called and offered us a pair of TOOL tickets to their concert the following night – it would be our first real date as a couple.
***
The second marking of this date came about one evening in 2014 while sitting on the floor of our shared condo in Norwalk, CT. Joe and I were discussing our preferences for the location and type of wedding we’d like to have. You see, we had just gotten engaged that summer at a friend’s château in France (another magical moment worthy of a future post!), and now here we were, 5 months later feeling a bit dismayed at the difficulty we had encountered trying to find a location both within our budget and in the general timeframe we desired. Our experiences with wedding planning at that point served to further cement our feelings that a traditional ceremony with all the ado (e.g. bridesmaids and groomsmen, large guest list, traditional dances, cutting of the cake, etc.) was not something we wanted. Hmm…..what will we do?
All of a sudden, Joe had an epiphany: You know those tickets you bought me as a Christmas gift to the “Cinquanta” concert for Maynard James Keenan, the lead singer of our favorite band, TOOL? That concert is in California, which is half way to Hawaii — what if we elope in Hawaii?
Yes! OK, well it wasn’t an immediate yes from me, but soon thereafter I came around to the idea, as it meant I could throw out all the tedious wedding planning and concerns about who and what and where and why, and it could be a wedding and a honeymoon all wrapped into one! Heck, we’ll just spend a month in Hawaii — why not?! There was no good reason not to, except for the slight heartache at not having close friends and family there with me. But really, what I knew is that getting married with the beatific backdrop of Hawaii(!), just the two of us, felt like the perfect way to honor our relationship and our love of each other, and we felt that’s what mattered most. So that’s what we did!
So how did May 18th become the date of your wedding ceremony?
During Joe’s Hawaii research, he came across an adventure blog that told a compelling story of a backpacking adventure on the island of Kauai along the 11 mile trail to Kalalau Valley, ending with a 5-night camping trip on the unreal beach of Kalalau.
Having been avid Appalachian Trail hikers and backpackers ourselves, we were intrigued — should we do this? It could be a fun challenge! We thought it over and questioned, Do we have the right gear? Do we have enough time to acquire one of the limited backpacking permits for this hike? Is it safe? The answers (Yes, Yes, and Yes & No) then led to our affirmative and final decision to move forward with the idea. Planning the dates of the hike and our wedding ceremony all began to take shape around the concert in L.A. — an innocent Christmas gift turned into guidepost. Well, I suppose this turn of events wasn’t surprising. We’ve always been good at seeing and reading signs. ;)
The Failure, Puscifer, and A Perfect Circle concert at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles was on Saturday, May 10th. We would leave for Kauai the next day, May 11th. Ahh!! What do you know?! That’s a week out from May 18th, our dating anniversary.
<lightbulb 💡 moment>
Let’s plan our marriage ceremony for Sunday, May 18th! We have just the right amount of time to hike the Kalalau trail first before returning to town and holding our ceremony two days later on the 18th. And imagine: we’ll have just come from the challenge of the hike and living on a remote beach for 4 days together — a type of sacred initiation before exchanging our vows.
And that’s how we ended up backpacking the Kalalau Trail and camping on the beach for 4 nights before returning to civilization hungry, bug-bitten, and with a natural nature high. We rested on that Saturday, and on Sunday, May 18th, 2014, Joe and I exchanged vows in an intimate ceremony, just the two of us, along with Manulele, our officiant, and a resort employee, our witness (plus a random onlooker drinking red wine). The ceremony took place on the beach at Hanalei Colony Resort — a remote location on the North shore of Kauai, on the edge of Wainiha Bay and only 2.5 miles down the road from the Kalalau Trailhead. The afternoon rain let up just in time for our 3pm ceremony, and the partially sunny skies made for perfect photographic light. The only mistakes we made were not eating enough food during our full day of primping (which resulted in us passing out immediately after dinner), and Joe forgetting to pack the specially chosen belt we selected for his wedding day outfit. No matter, the magnificent setting combined with our post-Kalalau hike vibes were a divine and cosmically ordained combination made for two Earthly beings joining in holy union.
Our ceremony felt so otherworldly and magnificent; it was a truly “larger than life” moment.
***
The final occurrence of this sacred date alignment took place 4 years later in 2018. It was our departure from East coast to begin our van-life adventure out West. Our original plan had us beginning our van life adventure in the Fall of 2017. At some point we knew this was no longer realistic, as Joe needed more time to reconfigure and prepare his technology consulting business for his full-time remote work while traveling on the road, and we needed more time to prepare our condo to be rented.
So when, then?
Well, we had one date pinned down already, and that was May 19th, 2018 for a cousin’s wedding in Philadelphia. We asked ourselves, could we be ready by May 19th? It would be a wonderful farewell with Joe’s family to see us off from Philadelphia, and of course, it was the week of our anniversary, too. Based on this, as well as our past history of success with this general time frame and the fact that my teaching jobs would be finishing up then, too, we decided to give it a go: May 18th would be our planned departure from Connecticut. Joe hired and trained another new full time consultant for his company. All the while, I put in advanced notice at my 3 teaching jobs and miraculously (certainly synchronistically), found a new job as a full time remote worker, and in my chosen field(!), educating students on SEL skills & mindfulness practices — what luck! This meant I could continue to work full time while living a nomadic lifestyle. Lastly, we secured a renter for our condo. The plans we made for our new #vanlife unfolded without a hitch, almost as if the Universe had played a hand and lent us these tricks.
On the morning of May 18th, 2018, a date that is both the anniversary of our dating and of our marriage, we hopped into a rental car with an incredible amount of luggage (all of our belongings for moving into our van), waved goodbye to our condo and our home state of Connecticut, and drove to Philadelphia for the wedding. Two days later we flew to Los Angeles and moved into our new home: a Mercedes Sprinter “Class B” camper van RV. We would return to Connecticut that December for the holidays and for a reprieve from what turned out to be a challenging and awe-inspiring 6.5 months on the road. We would go on to travel, live, and work full-time in the van for 2 full years until mid-pandemic when we were lucky enough to be offered the remaining months of our friend’s apartment lease in Boulder, Colorado where we still reside today. We love it here!
***
Just now, Joe sent me a message with a photo of Kalalau Beach and the words “7 years ago today!” Looking back, I’m never not impressed with the opportunities we’ve made and also received. And looking forward, I wonder what other patterns or alignments might show themselves via kismet, coincidence, or our own doing? I suppose I’m pondering some version of the age old debate about fate vs. free will. I’ve always enjoyed giving credence to the spiritual, to the unseen, to the mystical and magical, while Joe leans toward science, logic, and mystery. We connect over our curiosity. Together we achieve a good balance, and we’ve noticed how both our efforts and our trust have a way of dancing and intertwining, allowing for our desires to manifest and for unexpected blessings to arrive, too. “50% planning, and 50% serendipity” we regularly remind ourselves. So far, so good!
For all of it, we are grateful.
Cent’anni!
Edited by Joe